The real struggles of a life and health coach

I woke up one morning and I wanted to give up.  Everything was falling apart before my eyes.  The dream that I decided to follow was evaporating.  I didn't have the drive, I didn't have a plan.  I felt lost and alone.

Have you ever been there?  Have you tried to do something you've always wanted to do and seen it fail?  It's a sobering feeling, but a very real one for many people in the world.  They shoot for a target and miss.  They may not even get close.  

I wanted to get real with you and let you know that as a coach, I have very real struggles too.  But I also want to inspire you to keep pushing and keep going.  Just when you think all is lost, if you push just a little harder, there is breakthrough coming.

I was 15 and I had this vision of standing on stage speaking to thousands of people and motivating them to make real lasting change in their lives.  It was a vision that freaked me out and yet it has been hiding in the shadows all my life.  It never really disappeared.  The vision never really made sense to me as I was growing up and figuring what I wanted to be as an adult.  Ironically, each and every job I've taken has pushed me to new limits in what's possible for my life.  Each position drove me closer to making my dream a reality.   

When I said that that vision freaked me out, that was no lie.  I was absolutely terrified to speak in front of a group of people and I would do anything to get out of it.  Yet, I kept seeing myself on stage doing what I love and encouraging people like you to step up, step out, and really go for it.  

In 2014, my life took a significant turn for the worst.  Everything that I trusted in vanished before my eyes.  I felt like life was over and for that time, it was.  I couldn't figure out what happen, why it happened, and how would I ever recover.  I was 41 years old and I didn't think that I should be starting over in life, but there I was.  I lost nearly everything and I had 2 choices to make, quit and give up, or keep going and figure it out.  Those tough times that I went through have helped me get to where I am today and they will keep helping me into the future.  The lessons I learned going through divorce brought me full circle to my dream to help motivate and inspire people like you to reach your full potential.  I went back to school, got my life and health coaching certification and launched my business in 2017.  

It was scary and fun at first.  I quickly got all the clients that I needed to pay the bills.  I figured out how to attract new clients and how to get them to sign up for coaching.  I was high on life and excited to get to do what I loved by investing into my clients the lessons I learned along the way which produced results for me and for others I knew.  My business was having some short term success and happened.  I hurt my shoulder working out and had to stop going to the gym.  I had to take time off for military training, and then I had to have surgery to repair the damage to my shoulder.  Just when things were going great, the bottom fell out.  

My recovery from shoulder surgery took all the energy I had and wiped it out.  I didn't have the ability to go to networking events and when I did, I lost my confidence to attract clients, close deals with them, and talk them into investing in my program.  It felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and for a short moment, I wanted to quit.  

Wanting to quit and quitting are two very different actions.  Giving up is not an option for me.  I had to dig deep and figure out what was I going to do.  As a coach, I can never ask a client to do something that I haven't already done myself.  I can't ask them to take action when I can't take action myself.  I have to believe in what I'm doing and it has to provide results.  I have to drink my own Kool-Aid.  

There are 4 tasks that I have to master to have a viable business: attract potential clients, close the deal, coach with confidence and get paid.  If I can't do that, I'll never survive.  I had lost touch with my modal for attracting clients.  What I really needed to do was to get my confidence back.  I began by taking some massive action.  I reached out to past and current clients with an new promotion.  I went to as many networking events as possible and I started speaking about what I am passionate about, which is helping people change their lives.  I see in each and every person I meet, their true potential and I want to bring that out for them.  Before I could bring out their potential, I had to bring out my own.  I cannot inspire someone else until I can inspire myself.  

So, there is good news in this story.  Because I didn't quit and I didn't throw in the towel, I met some really great people and created some new partnerships.  I was able to go from coaching individuals to coaching groups.  My goal in life is to reach 1 million people in my lifetime and to improve their lives as much as possible.  I want them to see themselves the way God sees them.  He sees them as fully capable of more than they are doing now and I want to help get that message across and really help stretch them to new heights.  My goal to reach them, will ultimately lead back to the vision that I had at 15.  I will be on a stage some day inspiring thousands of men and women to make the necessary changes in their lives to become who they were meant to be.  

The only thing that's special about me is that I won't quit trying.  I hope that you will take that mantel and run with it.  You can do it.  You have everything you need inside you.  You just have to find it.  

Consistency-your key to success

Napoleon Hill said, "If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way." When you do small things in a great way consistently over a long period of time, you will propel you life further than you could ever have imagined.

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When I first became a Christian, I learned some key verses in the bible by listening to what people said. I started quoting scriptures until I fully believed them.  My favorite scripture for over a decade was Ephesians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Whenever faced with a new challenge, I would repeat the prayer until I fully believed it was true.  When I was fully convinced, I would take action and try to do that which was impossible moments ago.

When I was in high school, I had to take speech class just like every kid who wants to graduation has to take speech class.  I managed to skip class every time I was supposed to give a speech and I begged the teacher to give me a passing grade so I wouldn't have to repeat the agony of standing in front of my peers and communicate anything to them.  I was deathly afraid.  Fast forward about 8 years later when I was in the military and I kept getting these assignments which put me in front of audiences to explain to them what they did wrong.  I hated the experiences, but my leaders kept putting me in front of groups of people and they forced me to evaluate them and give them feedback to their groups.

My assignments got tougher and tougher and the groups got bigger and bigger until one day, I was no longer afraid to get up and speak to large groups.  I have spoken to groups of 25, 50, 150, & more than 500.  I started with talking to small groups of 2-3 people and worked my way up to large groups and now, even if I am put on the spot, I can teach, coach, mentor and speak.  I did that by doing small things great until one day the small thing was a great thing.  You can do it too.

I challenge you to do something today that you didn't think you could do.  Step out of your comfort zone.  Do the small thing to the best of your ability.  Evaluate your own performance, then do it again.

The last piece that I will leave you with is conduct rehearsals.  It is so important to take this step and speak out what you want to say so that you don't stammer, stutter, or lose your place or your words when speaking.


You can't steer a parked car.

Too much knowledge puffs one up.  When you know a lot, two problems can exist.  First, you can get proud or arrogant and need to be right all the time.  Second, you can get paralyzed and take no action.  I want to focus on the latter today.

Since starting this blog, I have gone through a lot of transformation.  God has been working on me to get rid of some self limiting beliefs about that weren't serving me and weren't serving him.  This was painful sometimes and other times, it was such a relief.  I had put myself and God into boxes that I could control and I stopped trusting God to do amazing things in my life.

Ok, so how do I go from getting too much knowledge and taking no action to being transformed?  I'm glad you asked.  For many years in my Christian walk, I went to church, I learned my bible, and I learned what God said about me and what he wanted for me in my life.  The problem was, that I did not take action.  I was paralyzed because I knew all these things that God wanted me to do, but I wasn't doing any of them.  I wasn't taking action.

If you take a pitcher of water and pour it into a cup, naturally at some point the excess water spills out and goes everywhere.  This is what should naturally happen when we read the bible and follow what God says to do in his word.  I was very afraid of people and I was shy.  I couldn't tell someone about the love of Jesus because I was stuck.  I wasn't taking any actions.  I was like the dead sea in Israel.  It is fed by the ocean, but it has no outlet, so everything in it is dead.

So what happened to change that for me?  I got divorced.  Besides my relationship with God, my marriage was the one stable thing in my life that I could count on.  When that ended, I was lost and I was searching to figure out why.  Through the process of getting to the lowest of lows in my life, I broke out of the mold.  I started to take action and to change who I thought I was.  I decided that inaction was not serving me well at all.

This blog started at a time in my life when I was hurting and life looked really terrible from the inside and out.  Here's what happened, I knew that God said to go into all the world and preach the Gospel.  At that time, I couldn't afford to even drive to the next town to share the Gospel.  God gave me the idea to start this blog.  It was an action step, a step of faith, but it was ACTION.  When I started, I didn't know what to write about.  I didn't know if anyone would read it.  I didn't know if anyone would even like it, but I finally let go of caring what others thought of me.  You see, I have no right to know what you think of me because you don't know me and you may have a skewed view of who you think I am.  I could let your opinions stop me from doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I can't let you do that.

I love to use the analogy of steering a parked car because so many people can identify with that.  The car has to be moving to be steered, otherwise, your just shifting the tires back and forth.  You see, God wants you to step out of your comfort zone today and take steps of faith.  He wants you to take action.  For someone reading this blog, he has been waiting years for you to take action.  Today is the day.  It is the day that you can let go of your fears and take action.  When we worry about what could be or what might be, we limit ourselves to finding out what would have been.  In the words of that Disney song "Let it Go."  Step out today and see what amazing opportunities await you

Fear Not

I just shared this quote on a friends post on Facebook, but I thought it was worth sharing on my coaching page because it’s worth analyzing.

God has hidden some of your miracles in the places you are afraid to go.

~Ivan Tate

Think about the implications of that statement.

How many of you have fears? I do.

I’m going to share some with you and those of you who know me well might be surprised.

I’m afraid to speak publicly
I’m afraid of rejection
I’m afraid that I’m not qualified to be here
I’m afraid that I’m not good enough
I’m afraid that no one will love me
I’m afraid to fail
I’m afraid of success.

Do some of those ring true with you too?

Fear is very real for so many people and it is capable of stopping the the strongest people in their tracks.

Here’s what I did to overcome my fears or at least step into them and discover that I can and have overcome them.

I just did it. I stepped in and decided that what was on the other side of that fear was worth more than the pain that I felt staying on the safe side of life.

I let go of the fact that I couldn’t control how other people viewed me and so, I should just go for it. I should take chances and put myself out there.

I’ve had the chance to overcome a lot of the fears in my life and I’m still working on others.

I hope this encourages you today to step out of the box called your comfort zone and explore what’s past that edge.

God does have some of your miracles hidden in plain sight, but in the places you are afraid to go

What are the consequences of your thoughts?

Your on the freeway heading to work.  It's rush hour traffic and by now, you've become accustomed to the fact that it's busy, it's slow, it's frustrating and you know what lane you need to be in to get off at your exit.  Being on time is very important to you and you know the routine; up at 4:30, hit the gym by 5:00, showered and cleaned up by 6:30, breakfast on the run, hit the parking lot at 7:45, and in our hot seat at work by 8:00 ready to take on the world.  Today, someone who isn't a planner, isn't great at planning out their day and isn't great at getting to work on time, realizes they aren't going to make it on time if they don't hurry up.  That guy realizes at the last second that they need to cut into your lane to get to the exit on your right and they go for it.  This is the moment of truth.  What will you do?

The event of someone cutting you off in traffic is neither positive or negative.  Most would argue that it is negative, but it's really neutral.  What is positive or negative are your thoughts.  The bible says that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he and out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.  An event triggers thoughts in your head.  Sometimes those thoughts can come so fast that the person doesn't even realize that they had them prior to reacting.  The University of Pensilvania has done some amazing studies on what they call resiliency.  In their studies, they discovered a cycle that occurs when we have reactions to events.  They even have been able to determine what someone's thought theme was based on their reaction to the activating event.  Let me give you an example.  I am a person who says sorry a lot.  We could walk up to the same door at the same time and rather than say excuse me and barge my way in, I am likely to say "sorry" and let you go in first.  I have been doing this nearly all my life and didn't understand why.  When I learned about this process of determining what my thought themes were I discovered that I had a dominant thought theme of "Trespass." The base of the Trespass thought theme is that "I have harmed you or caused you harm." University of Pensilvania discovered what the bible has been saying for thousands of years and did the research to prove it true.

What you spend your time thinking about will be revealed in your emotions and reactions.  It is very hard for us to see our own blindsides if we are able to see them at all.  If you are having trouble in your external environment, in your relationships, in your community, or in your workplace, consider thinking about what your thinking about.  Consider picking up a bible and reading God's word to learn how he thinks and to renew your mind so that you can think better thoughts.  As you renew your mind, I know you will renew your life.  God's word works where the reader applies it.

Let me know if this helps you or if you have any questions.


Coach B